Thursday, May 27, 2010

Are You Bringing Something Equal To The Table?

People spend a tremendous amount of time thinking about what their potential suitor should bring to the table. He/She must have a car, a job, a home, good credit, etc...but let's be honest here. When we're seeking partners who bring so much to the table, are we being fair when it comes to what WE have to offer? It's not fair, nor wise, for you to demand that a person be able to do xy and z for you, if when necessary you yourself are ill equipped to return the favor. As women we want men in our lives who can be good role models for our children but I must admit that in the past I've rarely thought about what kind of example or impression I would make on a man's children. We don't spend enough time with ourselves. We spend more time thinking about our wish list of man qualities than we do preparing ourselves to be able to add something significant to a union. We worry less about what someone can offer us spiritually and emotionally than we do about finances and physical attributes. How can you place an expectation on someone else to own their own home, if you don't own one? How can you insist on someone being able to provide for a family, if you can't? We need to think about what else we gain when we seek out partners who are a shelf higher than we are. We gain a dependency that is unhealthy for a relationship because we have to constantly look to that person for what we are lacking. All I'm saying is...make sure you have your own sh*t together before you go demanding that another person has to fill such requirements in order to be a part of your life. Other than that...think about what you can add to another person's life before you inole yourself in it. Have a healthy relationship with YOU first!

Who's REALLY The Dominant Sex???

Ok, so I've been thinking. In so many cultures and societies men have been seen as the dominant sex. I beg to differ. Physically, men may have one up on us delicate daisies...but if you take an honest look at the lives of men and women you may see things a little different when it comes to emotional strength. Because women have always been viewed as the weaker sex, we've had to endure circumstances and battles that most men wouldn't be able to. The job of nurturing, guiding and baring children takes the strength of 1000 men but is frequently left resting on the shoulders of only one woman. We often are forced to take on the roles of men when it comes to raising our children whether the men are absent by choice, by incarceration or because they are off in another land fighting another man's war. We've had to fight for the rights of decisions we make involving our own bodies, we've had to fight to be able to participate in decision making that effects not only men, but the entire world. We've had to pull strength from unknown places to heal and comfort the men in our lives when they are broken or unable to achieve. Women are who they look to for support when they can't take pain whether it be a mother, a grandmother, an aunt or any other woman who has been a source of strength in their don't see them crying on their "homeboy's" shoulder. In the new generation of "anything you can do, I can do too", women have proven that they can take on the complicated responsibilites of being a "decent" woman in society as well as fight wars, be the main financial provider for her family, raise a family alone and share the emotional burdens of the men in her life.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

The Girlfriend Of A Hustler's Secret...

Money...and fear keep her secrets from turning into indictments. So what he ripped and bleached her clothes. He'll buy her new ones. So what he pulled her hair from her scalp. He'll buy her some new hair. So what he has babies, claimed and unclaimed, all over the city. She doesn't want anymore of his babies and he'll pay for as many abortions as she needs. She may think that all her secrets are safe within her her but her friends know what he's about. Hell, some have even dated or slept with him themselves...and that's no secret. They know his phone didn't lose service or die lastnight when she was calling for hours, back to back to back to back. Her girls know that his boy didn't borrow his car and have it parked in front of the hotel...or his ex-girl's house. Everybody knows...but she pretends she doesn't. Her secrets are embarassing and humiliating to her so she covers them up. She plays stupid, buys alot of sh*t with his money to help heal her emotional scars, she drives around in his cars making sure everyone sees convince HERSELF of her position in his life. She shows up at every court date to prove that she's the one who will be by his side no matter what...even though she sees familiar female faces in the crowd. Her friends know she has plenty of jewelry, bags, boots, shoes and clothes. But, the secret is all the ass whippings she had to endure to earn those apologetic shopping sprees. They don't know how many secrets she keeps for him to keep him out of prison and to keep his gun from discharging in the side of her head...yup...plenty of secrets

The Celebrity Girlfriend's Secret...

She hides. She hides the pain of an unhappy home behind Chanel shades, mac make-up and diamond apologies. She uses her status as his "main chick" to lick her wounds, although publicly he's "single" and she is not to reveal otherwise...that's her first secret. She says the sun from all the tropical vacations he takes her on will dry her tears. For her friends who envy her lifestyle, she paints a near perfect picture of their life together. They can see the house, the money and the cars and yes it all looks glamorous...from the outside. But inside there are secrets. She tells her friends how wonderful life is and how she has everything she's ever wanted--but she leaves out some sh*t. Like, the groupies and other random chicks that are bold enough to call the house or show up at the games and sit close enough for her to hear their snickering and comments about "her man" or how those thirsty bitches wait in the parking lot after the games just long enough for her to wonder who they are and who they're there for. She doesn't tell anyone that she's lonely for weeks at a time while he's on the road and how he sometimes doesn't even bother to call. And, if it wasn't for sportscenter she wouldn't know if he was dead or alive because she hasn't heard from all...for weeks. She also doesn't tell her friends who envy her life, about all the latenight arguments when he calls her a whore and tells her she's just like the groupies...then storms out of the house to go spend the night with one. She doesn't discuss how many dishes have been broken against the wall, how many times she's threatened to leave and he hasn't contested but instead told her how easy it is to replace her. The kind of man he is when the cameras, the sports reporters and the fans aren't the biggest secret she keeps of all, besides herself. Yeah...lots of secrets. Like, the time she tried to leave and he threw her car keys in the pool and tackled her to the be continued

Cover-Girl (secrets of abused women)

Abusive relationships are ugly. They take things away from us. You don't have to be physically attacked to be beaten down...words and actions can have the same effect as a smack to the face or a hand around your throat. An abused woman is the best keeper of secrets you will ever know. These are some of their secrets...

Monday, May 24, 2010

Question from reader: What do you do when a person has you confused about the relationship and you feel like you're wasting your time?


As hard as it may be, sometimes it's best to just severe ties with people who leave you deeply confused about your relationship. Although people may use "words" that say they care or love you, if they're not "showing" may be missing a painfully clear sign that their attention is elsewhere or...they're just not that into you. Therefore, they no longer deserve all the special attention you've been giving them and so if it fades be it. It just means that once again that person isn't the one for you, but you shouldn't look at the time you've spent with them as wasted but as preparation and conditioning for the next situation. Spend this time focusing on areas of your life that need special attention like your kids, your home, your career and most importantly YOURSELF. Use the time and energy that you feel you're wasting, to build yourself up and the things and people around you that NEED that time and energy. Work on re-inventing yourself stronger and more secure than before. Keep yourself occupied and productive. Enjoy yourself, your friends and your family. Rediscover a time when you were happy and in control of yourself and figure out how to bring it back! Good Luck!

Friday, May 21, 2010

My Everyday Life (entry 1)

So, today began as all my "normal" work days have been in recent waking up exhausted, irritable and once again unprepared. My plan the night before was to straighten up after dinner, iron some clothes (I used to iron for the entire week on sunday nights), do a load of laundry and get in bed a decent hour (and actually fall asleep). Instead, I ended up watching a movie, doing some writing and not falling asleep until around 2am.

I hit the snooze button in the morning way too many times knowing I had so much to do not only for myself but I also hadn't ironed my son's clothes yet or decided on what to make him for breakfast. I made a mad dash out of the house about 15 munites later than I should be leaving so I didn't have time to stop and get my white mocha...which I knew I so desperately needed on a morning like this. blah.

I got to work feeling and I'm sure looking like I hadn't gotten any sleep and completely out of sorts. I made it through the day (irritable and all)and managed to get home, take a nap, cook dinner (bbq chicken, rice and mixed veggies) and then make it back to work for some OT. It was a looooong day that dragged on and on but I made it. I am making a plan as we speak to make sure that Monday will not be a repeat of today! Enjoy the weekend. It's supposed to rain here so maybe I'll get some things accomplished around the house and be at least a little better organized and prepared by the start of the new week.

New Layer Of The Pink Ink (My Everyday Life)

What's the first thought that comes to your mind when it's time to get up and go to work in the morning? I know my first thought and first spoken words every morning are, sh*t sh*t sh*t. Not because I hate my job but because I'm just not really a morning person and despite my obsession with being organized and prepared...lately I've been neither of those things. I've always had a set routine that included getting out of the house on time, stopping for coffee and getting to work at least 15 minutes early, but recently I've just been feeling a bit overwhelmed and just downright agitated and drained so my wonderful routine has gone to sh*t. However...I am committed to getting back on track. For the past month or so I've gotten really busy and involved in so many different projects that I've kind of just slacked off when it comes to my normal everyday stuff and if I notice that I'm not performing at 100%, then I'm sure other people have noticed it too. So with that being said, this new layer to The Pink Ink will be my "log of progress". In this section I'll blog about my goals for the week, the new healthy habits I'm trying to develop like eating better, excercising on a regular basis and getting back the flow of my weekly routine. I'm hoping maybe this will be helpful and inspiring to others as well but this section is really more for me to track my progress as I get my life back in order and improve some things. Hope you enjoy!

I'm Who I Am...You're Who You Are

It is so unfair to try to change another person. Not only is it unfair, but it's also almost always impossible. If the person was good enough to begin a friendship or relationship with, why would you try to force them to be someone else?

Thursday, May 20, 2010

I Remember...The Football Player, Vomit In My Hair and Cops

I remember laying in his bed...every few minutes looking at the clock because it was after 1:30am and this mf still wasn't home. Then my cell rings. I remember him slurring the words, "baby where you at?" remember telling the fool that I was still at his house where he'd left me when it was still daylight outside. He laughed. I didn't. He asked me if I could please come get him from the club because he was too drunk to drive home. Again, wtf! I said ok and headed out.

When I get to the club this jackass is LAYING on the hood of a police car grinning with a damn toothpick in his mouth...WHAT THE F*CK!!! The cop told me that he told him to call someone to get him so that he didn't have to pull him over. I thanked him and told "Mr. Champagne Guzzler" to come get in my car so I could take him home. I remember him telling me to park my car and get in his because he didn't want to leave his truck. Now I'M laughing and thinking this (N word) must be crazy! ...then he tells me he CAN'T leave his truck and if something happened to mine he'd buy me a new one. So I left it.

Fast forward to the ride back to his house. On the beltway and I remember him gagging and wretching. I asked him if he needed me to pull over because I knew he was going to throw up. He said no. Then he put the window down and stuck his head out. Again, "do you need me to pull over?"
"Nope. Just get to the house."
The next memory I have is this mf'er vomiting out the window and vomit blowing back in the my f**king hair! I then remember slamming on breaks (in the middle of the beltway) and screaming at the top of my words, just screaming. I stopped the truck so suddenly and screamed so loud that I scared him. I remember him taking off his black button-down Armani shirt and trying to wipe the vomit out of my hair for me. I smashed the accelerator (which also scared the sh*t out of him) and finally made it to the house...where his drunk ass vomited again...all over the inside of the passenger door and in the driveway. I left him in the driveway on his knees and ran straight in the house so that I could take a shower and wash my hair. I was glad I had his keys and didn't have to wait on him...pause...I get in the house and the alarm is beeping for me to enter the code. Nice. I don't live there so I don't know the damn code, but luckily he's up off his knees and now laying in the doorway so i tell him to put the code in or give it to me so I can put it in...pause again...This (N word) is so f**ked up that he can't even remember the code to his own alarm! the alarm is going off...LOUD. Dumbass is now asleep (still in the doorway...feet outside, head inside) and the alarm is blaring. The phone is also riinging and now...the cops are there. Remember I'm dealing with all this nonsense...with my hair still wet and smelling of vomit.

Short and nice cop #2 woke him up long enough to talk to the security company on the phone. Fortunately for him the cop was a big fan and recognized him. I finally got to wash my hair (with him kneeling in front of the toilet and then falling asleep on the bathroom floor). I left him in the bathroom (cut the lights off and everything) and went to bed. It was about 4am. I set the alarm so that I could wake him up in the morning for practice. I remember getting up when I heard the alarm and was shocked...this mf'er was already up and dressed. Guess he didn't want that fine for being late. smh. So many more stories of him so for future reference we'll just refer to him as "Mr. NFL"

The "I Remember" Series...

The "I Remember" series is the most personal part of The Pink Ink Blog. It describes a series of different memories throughout my life. Some are funny, some are sad, some are very random but they all are important and personal to me. At times I may only tell part of a story, other times you'll get the entire picture. Hope you enjoy!

I Remember...The Night Gino Died

I remember reading the text...way before texting was so popular. I remember not being able to process what it said and not being able to cry...because I couldn't process it. I remember a few hours later sitting in my car in front of my house reading the text again...and again...and again. I remember an excessive amount of calls breaking through my phone as I was reading the text...again...and again...and again. A friend of his showed up at my house. I remember him explaining all the details that he knew but still...couldn't process it. Still couldn't cry. I watched some tv, read a few chapters of a book, ignored my phone which had vibrated so much that it had fallen on the floor and then I went to sleep.

The next memory I have is 3am...I remember getting up to use the bathroom and then...devastation. I started to cry and I couldn't pull it together. I stayed in the bathroom...crying...for over an hour. I had now totally processed what had happened. Gino was dead. I went to my phone and went through my call log. I had spoken to him at 9:03am that morning. He had just gotten out of the hospital and wanted me to come see him at his mom's. I said, "I'll come by later". Later was too late. I checked my voicemail, skipping through all the "Mo, I'm so sorry"..."Mo, what happened?"..."Are you ok?"...etc. I was looking for the last message he'd left me saying to call him, it was an emergency. I remembered that I'd gotten the message but I'd never called him back. The message was had been over a month ago. I cried some more. Then I went back to that state of not being able to process it be continued

Who Is More Important?

How important are you to yourself? How important is your own happiness versus someone else's happiness and satisfaction? Before you answer these questions you should think about some things. You should think about the kinds of people you let into your life, what kinds of friends you have and how many times you have done something that has made you unhappy or uncomfortable just to please someone else, or how many times you've "stuck it out" in a situation that was unrewarding and draining just because the situation or the person involved in the situation was familiar and/or an important piece of who you are. Once you answer those questions then you should be better able to answer the first two questions and you may discover that you are not as important to yourself as you think you are and that you are constantly putting other people's happiness before your own. Not good. I know that this gets you nowhere in life because when you use up all your energy trying to be somebody's everything, somebody's vision of perfection or trying to change someone to fit into your own vision of perfection--you have no energy left to do the things that would make your own life easy and enjoyable. You can't always take on the weight of the world and then expect people to return the favor or even just appreciate your effort...that's just not the way the world works. When you constantly give give give, even when you have nothing left to give people expect for you to keep on giving because that is your role in THEIR lives. But in order to keep your sanity you need to give UP the idea that everyone in your life will one day get it together and realize that you have your own life, your own issues to deal with and your own dilemnas to face. What you need to start doing is making it a point to just refuse people sometimes...take time for you, even if it's just to sit and do least you're sitting and doing for YOURSELF and not using all your time and energy to cater to someone else. There's nothing wrong with being a caring person and having a big heart, but the problem is when you neglect yourself or your small children or when you abandon your own dreams and goals to help others follow through with their dreams and goals. Your not being fair to yourself. This is just something to think about.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Enough Is Enough!

You're fed up. You're crying. You're wishing ill fate. You're waiting by the phone. You're pissed off because it's not ringing...or if it is ringing, it's not him. You're thinking of all the time, devotion, trust, love and whatever else you've put into this person. smh. Been there, done that, realized the errors of my ways. As young women who have so many roles to play in our lives and so much weight to carry on our shoulders, I can't understand why we constantly lack the mental capacity to know when someone doesn't mean us any good. We know how we don't want to be treated, we know what is unacceptable and we know when things just feel wrong. However, we continually allow the people in our lives to distract us, disappoint us, use us up and disrespect us...and I'm not only talking about the men in our lives. We also continually accept this treatment and these actions from a variety of people...friends, family, co-workers, etc... When do we just say enough is just enough!?! When you have children to raise, a home to keep in order, a job to be at don't have time to sit around and sulk about the way you're allowing someone to do you wrong. You're ALLOWING them to! You're allowing someone else power over your self-esteem, power over your happiness, power over your spirit and it's unhealthy. I know that sometimes letting go is so much easier said than done but if a relationship with someone keeps taking the air out of you and leaving you too exhausted to handle your business and take care of the things and people in your life who need and deserve the attention...that's enough. We have to take resposibility for our own hearts and minds and not let a "piece of a man" or a "there when times are good" friend be in be continued

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Well...hmmm...let me just say that, this song puts me in a clusterf*ck of emotions. I might blog about it...might not. For now, I'll just let the music play.

The Eternal "Boyfriend"

What is this f*ckery?? How many years, how many babies and how many break-up/make-up sessions are reasonable before just realizing that whatever situation you're in with whatever pointless?!? When is it time for an "advancement" of position or relationship status and how do you go about approaching the other person and letting them know that you've earned a promotion in their lives? Some people may see this as pressuring the other person...I see it as knowing where you stand...and if you've been with someone for 5 or 10 years and your still not STANDING at somebody's alter, then where do you go from there? Of course I know that marraige isn't for everyone, but for the women and men who want long do you wait? I think the conversation needs to take place as soon as you know that you are past the "friend" stage. Expectations about what level you plan to take the relationship should be established at the very beginning to make sure that both planes are taking off at the same time and going to the same place. You can't depend on the other person to know your expectations or to know when you want more from the situation than what it is. You have to communicate effectively so that everybody's on the same page. And while some people may be ok with the "eternal lover", if you know that you want something more you need to speak up and if the outcome is not what you hoped for or what you "expected"...then you know where you stand and it's time to make a decision based on where you are versus where you want to be.

Praying and Planning For A Good Week!

Looking forward to having a stress-free, productive week! Tomorrow will be my day off so I "plan" to get some things done around the house like laundry, grocery shopping and a little cleaning. I've made a list of things I need to do for the week in order for it to go as smoothly as I hope so I'm going to do my best to accomplish them. Besides a full work schedule this week I am also hosting an office luau on Wednesday and I have quite a few things to do before then, so hopefully my one day off this week will be productive...if not, then the rest of my week could be a mess. As far as the kid...this week I don't really have much planned besides a trip to the library to return items and do homework and I'm hoping to get time to at least get out to the park or take a walk around the harbor. I'm pretty sure it's going to be a busy week so I also plan to make a few quick meals ahead of time in case I don't make it home by dinner time. All in all I'm praying and planning for a good week...I'll let you know how it works out!

Saturday, May 15, 2010

I Think I'm Ready

So maybe it's time. Time that I sit down and ask myself some important questions about my life. I'm now at an age where things that never really mattered to me before seem to take over my thoughts. I'll start with relationships. I've been in some situations and have seen some other people's situations that have hardened me a little when it comes to relationships. At 30, I've lost my patience and tolerance for alot of the bullsh*t that goes on when I'm dealing with a person who isn't on the same page as I am mentally. I don't have time to figure people out and play a bunch of guessing games when it comes to certain things like feelings and emotions...sometimes I feel like I'm communicating with children instead of grown ass men. I mean, is it too much to ask for someone to just SAY how they feel?? Not text me, facebook me, tweet me or expect me to just read your mind. I find myself being tough and cold at times because I'm trying to protect myself from the devastation of a broken heart...but lately, I also find myself missing the closeness of a real relationship and having someone to confide in and really bonding and building with someone on a deeper level other than good conversation and sex. I feel that maybe I'm ready now because I've experienced some things and I've grown to understand some things about men and about myself that I had no clue about when I was in my past relationships. I realize that opening up too wide and giving too much too fast is dangerous and unhealthy for the soul. You have to make people earn a position in your life before you trust them with your feelings and expose all your insecurities to them beacause the wrong person will take them and use them to their advantage. I've also learned that a partnership is about 2 people and you have to be willing to compromise in situations where no one can win. I've learned many other things, but I think the most important thing I've learned is that I can't change anyone but myself...that I also can't expect anything in return but what I give. Yeah, I think I'm ready...we'll see though

It Rained And It Poured!

So Wednesday the "surprise activity" was a no go, thanks to the thunderstorm. Although we made it to te grocery store to get our taco supplies in the nice, bright, shining sun...we walked out of the store to a mini flood. I decided to make it a taco and dvd night instead. After tacos we made some ice cream sundaes and just relaxed. Although I usually only allow my son to play video games or be on the computer for 1 or 2 hours at a time, I made an exception since our fun friday plans were spoiled.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Weekday Activity Surprise!

The morning routine was a little rough today. I think me and my son are both at our exhausted stage of the week so I thought it might be a good idea to have a little fun and break up the monotony of the school/work week. The kid has been craving tacos for a few days now so I think I'll make a pitstop at the grocery store to get "taco supplies" as part of the "surprise day". After our taco dinner I'm going to surprise my boy with a fun open play day at Jump Zone! Open play today is from 5p-7p so we'll be home in time for showers, bedtime and quiet time. I think we'll stop by Rita's for gelati's on the way home. I'm looking forward to the evening. I'll get some reading and writing done while he jumps and bounces to his heart's content. We don't normally do much during the week besides a couple trips to the library or an occasional ice cream run so this should be a blast for him. We will probably both get a good night's sleep tonight to be up and refreshed for the remainder of the week!

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Let It Ring...

It's funny how one phonecall can ruin your day and send you into a feelings you thought you had overcome or at least put aside for the time being,can come back and light your emotions on fire. My original plan today was to turn my phone off in order to get some peace and concentration...good idea!...turning it back on...bad idea. Sh*t. I should've just let it ring. Now I'm feeling weak because once again I've allowed someone to make me lose control of myself. Sometimes it's easier said than done to detach your emotions from the actions of people who are less willing to grow. Sometimes it's easier to lose control than it is to just...let go. I've grown alot in the past few months in terms of how I deal with certain feelings and how I react to people or situations, but today I found myself back in a familiar place that almost made me forget who I'm trying so hard NOT to be. I tried hard not to let that phonecall ruin my day and even though the entire day wasn't totally lost, I was consumed with frustration...more at myself than the other person. I was more frustrated with myself because I know better. You can't depend on another human being not to disappoint you or to think of your feelings before they think of themselves. Next time i'll just let it ring.

Friday, May 7, 2010

Welcome to: The Mommy In Me

So yesterday started a little slow...but not so bad. I was able to do everything that needed to be done before leaving the house (including a healthy breakfast for me and my boy). Work was ok but I was glad when it was over. It was a beautiful day in Maryland so my son spent most of the afternoon playing outside after school. After coming inside we had dinner (grilled cheese sandwiches, tuscan basil tomato bisque and mixed veggies), then off to pajama night at the library and coldstones creamery for dessert. When we got home we both had new books we couldn't wait to start so we had some quiet reading time together after showers and before bed. The day's activities were short, simple and sweet but the kid thought they were "awesome"! Today's friday so I'm sure the next Mommy In Me post will be a little longer and hopefully more exciting...

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Getting Real With Myself...

Hey dolls! Just thought I'd share some things about what I've learned about life so far, that have put things into perspective for me...

1.) I can't live like I did when I had no responsibilities and no one to worry about but myself because both those things have changed

2.) The perfect person does not exist...some adjusting has to be done sometimes; major flaws like 5 baby mommas and no income are not acceptable, but not being EVERYTHING I want physically can be overlooked

3.) Problems don't just need to face them and deal with them

4.) Living paycheck to paycheck at any age is unacceptable; you must plan for the unexpected

5.) Everyone needs structure and routines; organization eliminates alot of unnecessary stress

6.) Dreams don't grow and flourish on their own; you need to stick it out when it gets tough