Do We Ever Really Learn

I wonder...do we ever really learn how to completely take control of ourselves and trust our experience and instincts to guide us towards making better decisions about life...and also about the people we choose to allow to be a part of our lives (?). I think a majority of us are guilty of making the same mistakes more than once...but when we do that, can we still call them "mistakes" or is it now just stupidity? We've dated the same kind of person twice, made the same financial decisions twice, decided to give someone just one more chance twice...and I'm sure we were all also silly enough to expect different results from those same choices...twice. When do we learn? At what point do we wake up and decide that it's time to make completely different choices? We have to realize at some point that we can't live as carefree and wreckless as we did when we were young. We can no longer afford to keep making bad decisions and we can't keep waiting for the world to miraculously transform into an ideal place...or people to suddenly realize our value and treat us accordingly. It's up to us to change the way we live, the way we think, the way we treat ourselves. If we stay stuck in a false reality where we think that we can keep drawing the same lines and expecting them to turn into circles, we are doomed. Think about it.

A Little About Me

Sometimes I must admit myself that my life is quite interesting and exciting at times. I'm dab smack in the middle between an introvert and extrovert. I enjoy adventure, but i also live for the days and nights where I can just be alone inside myself with my thoughts and cup of tea...or tequila...or rum. I'm fortunate enough to have met and been able to cultivate friendships with people of all different cultures and social classes who for some odd reason don't find my moodiness off putting at all. Sometimes I sit and reflect on the things in my life that I consider "life altering" experiences...my first "real" relationship, the birth of my son, the death of my sister, the anger and hurt that drove me to detach myself from my father, meeting a group of work colleagues who are so much like a huge close family who are so much involved in each other's lives, so supportive and protective of each other that you'd think we'd been lifelong friends, discovering that I'm a much different person than I was even a year ago...I consider all those events to have been life altering in some way.

I write this blog because I have an obsession with writing (hypergraphia)...and because I enjoy expression. It's soothing like hot tea, chicken soup and cashmere. I also find it healing to de-clutter my head and my heart all at the same time as entertaining myself with memories and my newfound "beautiful mind"...and no I'm not referring to the movie "a beautiful mind"...I'm not schizophrenic, just a little different. I have alot going on inside my head (motherhood, career, everyday bullshit and a host of other vices). Up until this point, I've always been extremely guarded and private when it comes to my emotions and anything that I felt remotely embarrassed or ashamed of. I'm beginning to shed that tough skin as I grow wiser. I'm learning that I can't always beat my struggles alone and that it's important to let people "in" who can be a blanket of reason, support and comfort when it's time to deal with issues that have the potential of causing a nervous breakdown.

I guess that's all you need to know about me for now. Maybe i'll even turn this into a series...A Little About Me. Yes, that sounds like a plan... a little about me at a time.