Who Is More Important?

How important are you to yourself? How important is your own happiness versus someone else's happiness and satisfaction? Before you answer these questions you should think about some things. You should think about the kinds of people you let into your life, what kinds of friends you have and how many times you have done something that has made you unhappy or uncomfortable just to please someone else, or how many times you've "stuck it out" in a situation that was unrewarding and draining just because the situation or the person involved in the situation was familiar and/or an important piece of who you are. Once you answer those questions then you should be better able to answer the first two questions and you may discover that you are not as important to yourself as you think you are and that you are constantly putting other people's happiness before your own. Not good. I know that this gets you nowhere in life because when you use up all your energy trying to be somebody's everything, somebody's vision of perfection or trying to change someone to fit into your own vision of perfection--you have no energy left to do the things that would make your own life easy and enjoyable. You can't always take on the weight of the world and then expect people to return the favor or even just appreciate your effort...that's just not the way the world works. When you constantly give give give, even when you have nothing left to give people expect for you to keep on giving because that is your role in THEIR lives. But in order to keep your sanity you need to give UP the idea that everyone in your life will one day get it together and realize that you have your own life, your own issues to deal with and your own dilemnas to face. What you need to start doing is making it a point to just refuse people sometimes...take time for you, even if it's just to sit and do nothing...at least you're sitting and doing for YOURSELF and not using all your time and energy to cater to someone else. There's nothing wrong with being a caring person and having a big heart, but the problem is when you neglect yourself or your small children or when you abandon your own dreams and goals to help others follow through with their dreams and goals. Your not being fair to yourself. This is just something to think about.

Getting Real With Myself...

Hey dolls! Just thought I'd share some things about what I've learned about life so far, that have put things into perspective for me...



1.) I can't live like I did when I had no responsibilities and no one to worry about but myself because both those things have changed



2.) The perfect person does not exist...some adjusting has to be done sometimes; major flaws like 5 baby mommas and no income are not acceptable, but not being EVERYTHING I want physically can be overlooked

3.) Problems don't just disappear...you need to face them and deal with them

4.) Living paycheck to paycheck at any age is unacceptable; you must plan for the unexpected

5.) Everyone needs structure and routines; organization eliminates alot of unnecessary stress

6.) Dreams don't grow and flourish on their own; you need to stick it out when it gets tough

This Is Who I Want To Be...

i want to be the kind of woman who is strong and in control of myself, my emotions, my success and a contributor to the evolvement of my culture and my gender. i want to be the kind of woman who is secure enough with myself to know that another woman's success doesn't equal my failure...the kind that can be a positive role model in the life of a young girl who needs one. i want to be the kind of woman who knows when a situation or a person isn't worth all that i have to offer...and be confident in my decision to walk away from such situations and people in order to keep the peace within myself. i want my intelligence and my character to enter the room before i'm physically present. i want to be a woman who's talents speak for themselves...i don't want people to have to wonder what makes me special, i want them to see it for themselves without the overshadowing of any negative controversy such as sex tapes and public relationships. i want to be known as a woman who is able to soldier my way through any adversity that tries to slow down or stop my progression towards greatness. i want to be a woman who refuses to allow disappointments in my past to create mental barriers in my future...i want to be a person who knows how to build a bridge and just get over sh*t so i can move forward in life. i want to be a woman who can handle constructive crticism...but not allow other people's opinions to affect my work or how i make decisions about my life. this is who i want to be.

WHO do you want to be?

i was asked a question today. "Monique, who do you want to be?". my reply was simple..."I want to be successful and comfortable". (silence) and then...

"no sweetheart. I didn't ask WHAT you wanted to be, I asked WHO you wanted to be. WHO do you want to be known as and remembered as." well damn...talk about being put on the spot. (think fast Mo)--

"ummm...can I think about it and call you back?" (nervous laugh)--

"that's exactly what I want you to do Monique. THINK about it." again...well damn.

i've always known WHAT i wanted to be. like i said, successful and comfortable. but, i've never actually thought about WHO i wanted to be...kinda left me scratching my head, because everything i came up with was fitting in the WHAT category. sh*t, this is harder than i thought and she leaves the office at five...it's 4:17...I call her back and tell her some off the top of my head bullsh*t. She chuckles and says, "honey, i said THINK about it. sit with it. explore what i've asked you. i didn't ask you because I need to know...I asked because YOU need to know."

speechless. (working on it right now...i'll let you know how it goes) and i ask....WHO do you want to be???

Change Is Coming!

I'm having that urge again...the one from a few nights ago where I wanted to take a latenight run...to breathe the fresh air and clear my mind. It's crazy the places writing can take you sometimes. The memories it brings to surface...the ideas it provokes. This is therapeutic for me. To get all these thoughts out of my head and send them somewhere. Had I known getting rid of my troubles was as easy as "publish post"...I would've started this blog years ago.


Tonight my writing takes me to my future. I'm sitting here thinking about how meeting one person has possibly changed the course of my life. Not to say I wasn't already on the right path as far as having dreams and goals, but the conversation I had with her made me realize how I let my negative energy drain me and leave me too exhausted to focus on those dreams and goals. My downfall is impatience. I expect immediate results and immediate success in everything I do and if it doesn't happen IMMEDIATELY...I don't necessarily give up, but I push those things to the side and move on to other ideas. Not productive. Recently I've been spending way too much time thinking about my past...again...not productive. This is how I know that it's time to re-invent. Sure, my past was wonderful and exciting and I'm proud of some of the accomplishments I've made but it's time for a new chapter. It's time for me to take my life to another level and use everything I've learned through my experiences...good and bad. Change is coming!

What I Was Told...

I just wanna go for a latenight run...to breathe the fresh air...to clear my mind. In the last few weeks I've been so many places emotionally that I was afraid I was losing my mind. One five hour conversation and alot of tears changed that. I was told to stop being afraid of myself, to stop expecting everything to have a perfect ending and to close some doors...but open some windows. I was told to stop being angry when people disappoint me because...they're just people and that's what they do sometimes...that I am to take those disappointments as a teaching experience. I was told to stop trying to be everybody's everything...that I'm not superwoman and I can't do everything at one time...that the quality of the things I accomplish in life is far more important and memorable than the quantity of things that I attempt but leave unfinished (damn). In that conversation I was told that beautiful people like me can go anywhere they want in life...but we have to work 10 times harder to prove that our worth stretches beyond our hips and pretty eyes and smiles. I was told that saying hateful things to people I care about is weak and unwomanly and it lessens my intelligence (again...damn). I was told that people aren't clay or playdough and that I can't shape and mold them to my liking...and I was told that a tantrum will get me nowhere and it's an unsophisticated act for a woman of my intelligence who knows very well how to "use my words" and articulately express myself, my wants and needs...(ok, now i'm feeling this small)...I was told to stop trying to make up my own rules to situations and expecting everyone else to follow them...that I can't be in charge of anyone but myself and that little guy I brought into the world (tears)....to be continued

Female "Foe"ship...

Friendship. Not a word I've ever taken lightly or used loosely. It takes alot for me to consider someone a friend...but once I do, that's exactly what I am. As a female in this generation I've come to realize that most women my age must never have been taught the meaning of friendship or had someone school them to the rules of it. So many times females call themselves friends to another female but in the same conversation will talk sh*t about that female. The bond with "your girls" should be sacred. You should be able to get together for coffee, a meal or a drink...vent about some things, share some goals, dish about your relationships or families and not have it broadcasted around town for people who don't know the whole story, to be able to judge you. So many times I hear someone say, "don't say anything because she told me not to tell anybody"...just as they're about to tell their "friend's" secrets that they swore was "just between them". That's not a friend. When you see your "friend" in a bad situation...say, an abusive relationship or an addiction issue or a jacked up financial situation...as a friend, it's not your job to sit and listen to her troubles just so you can run and tell all your girl's business to everybody else and talk down about her or judge her for her mistakes. As a friend your job is to listen, offer advice and assistance in any way you can...to motivate them, inspire them and troubleshoot with them to find a better way. When you have a friend who has dreams and goals (no matter how unrealistic you think they may be) as a friend, you don't shoot those dreams and goals down or discourage her...again, your job is to motivate and inspire...and if she so happens to achieve the things she set out to do...if you feel any sense of jealousy at all instead of being proud and inspired by her accomplishment...you seriously need to re-evaluate yourself as a friend. How many times have we disliked our friend's mates??? Nothing wrong with that and you don't have to like them, but if that's who she's decided is the one for her and she's happy...even if she's not happy...it's not up to you as a friend to go outside of your friendship and say anything about that person or that relationship. As a friend, it's ok to give your opinion and even tell her that you don't like who she's with. But as a friend, you also have to respect the fact that she makes her own decisions and no matter how many times you tell somebody else that your friend is dumb or stupid for putting up with whatever it is she's putting up with...at the end of the day...it's not your battle to win (and that's a whole 'nother blog). I'm just saying all this beause as women I think we have enough "haters" and "sh*t talkers" around, that we don't need all that drama and he say/she say in our own circles. I don't care if you've known a chick forever...if she constantly displays acts of haterism...get rid of her. Tighten your circle and KNOW (don't guess, but KNOW) who your real friends are because regardless of how independent and self-serving we are...everybody needs a good friend. thanx for listening dolls!

GOALS FOR THE ROLES....

AS I WORK STEADILY ON BETTERING MYSELF, I WRITE DOWN ALOT OF PLANS AND GOALS FOR MYSELF...JUST THOUGHT I'D SHARE THIS ONE. IT MAY INSPIRE YOU :-)

mother...my goal as a mother is to do the very best I can to guide, protect, teach, nurture and provide for my child. to expose him to more than the neighborhood playground and chuck e. cheese; to make him feel comfortable coming to me with any issues that arise throughout his life no matter what they are; to make him feel supported and loved unconditionally; to give him structure and morals as he grows into a young man who will have his own roles to fulfill; i'll leave teaching him how to be a man...to the men in his life