Reset...

so today we talked. not argued, but talked. it was my attempt to prove my personal growth and my newfound grown woman-ness (i know that's not a word but this is MY blog...lol). we talked about our goals...individual goals...i skipped all the usual "i wonder who you've been with" thoughts and kept it pretty simple, sneaking in an occasional "are we gonna try this again". it's funny how sometimes the stronger we think we are, the weaker we portray ourselves to be. i showed my strength this time by apologizing. i apologized for being in a bad place with myself and trying to bring him with me. i apologized for pretending i was so tough and making him feel disrespected...it made me feel like i'd reached a new point within myself. i was taking responsibility for myself, my attitude and my behavior. i thanked him for making me take a hard look at myself and evaluating my internal issues that i've tried so hard to mask for so long. for once in a long time, he said something so sweet that i really felt ashamed for all the times i'd cursed him and told him i hated him. i wish there was a reset button so that when you f*ck something up beyond repair...you can start over. there are so many times when i could have used that in my life...relationships, family, friendships, opportunities, oooh the list goes on. sometimes i just wanna scream out f*****ck! why did i do that? but almost always...it's too late. however, this time i think is different. though i don't ever see us walking hand in hand into the sunset for our happily ever after...i do see a special bond between us that has not been easily broken and maybe the cracked pieces of it can be restored. i'm just gonna hit my imaginary reset button and see what happens.