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Hello world! I'm pleased to see that so many people from so many different places have been reading this blog. I've also noticed that many of you have been arriving on the particular post "Let It Ring". Will someone...anyone...please let me know how you are finding that particular post and let me know what you think of the rest of this blog. Your comments are well appreciated. Thanks for reading!

AS I SAY GOODBYE...

AS I SAY GOODBYE TO ANOTHER YEAR, I LOOK BACK ON ALL THE EXPERIENCES THAT I CAN NOW ADD ON TO “THE PAST”. TWENTY-TEN HAS BEEN ONE OF THOSE YEARS WHEN I CAN HONESTLY SAY THAT I’VE HAD MORE GOOD TIMES THAN BAD. AT THIS TIME LAST YEAR I WAS IN TEARS AND WISHING AND HOPING THE YEAR TO AN END…TOTAL OPPOSITE NOW. THIS YEAR HAS BEEN FILLED WITH SO MANY LESSONS, SO MUCH LAUGHTER, SO MANY MEMORIES, AND SO MUCH TO LOOK FORWARD TO. I MET MORE INSPIRATIONAL, SUCCESSFUL PEOPLE THAN EVER BEFORE. I FINALLY FOUND THAT BALANCE BETWEEN BEING A MOTHER AND BEING A WOMAN. I GAVE UP TRYING TO RELIVE MY EARLY TWENTIES AND JUST LET MYSELF FALL GRACEFULLY INTO MY THIRTIES WITHOUT FEELING LIKE IT WAS A MAJOR CRISIS. I BECAME A BETTER FRIEND, A BETTER MOTHER, A BETTER DAUGHTER AND A BETTER “ME”. I LET GO OF PEOPLE WHO WEREN’T ADDING ANYTHING POSITIVE TO MY LIFE AND REPLACED THEM WITH MOTIVATORS…PEOPLE WHO ENCOURAGED MY GROWTH. I ALLOWED MYSELF TO TAKE A FEW CHANCES. I JUMPED OUTSIDE OF MY COMFORT ZONE IN ORDER TO EXPERIENCE NEW THINGS THAT HELPED ME REALIZE SOME VERY IMPORTANT THINGS ABOUT LIFE. I READ BOOKS THAT CHANGED ME ON THE INSIDE IN ALL SORTS OF WAYS. I SPENT PLENTY DAYS ALONE…SOMETHING THAT TURNED OUT TO BE SO GOOD FOR MY SOUL. I PLANNED AND EXECUTED THE MOST SPECIAL BIRTHDAY THAT A TEN YEAR OLD COULD EVER IMAGINE. I BEGAN TRADITIONS THAT CREATED SUCH PERFECT MEMORIES. I REFUSED TO SPEND ONE DAY IN MY DARKENED BEDROOM SAD. ON THOSE DAYS WHEN THE EVERYDAY FATIGUE OF LIFE AND THE DAILY GRIND WERE GETTING THE BEST OF ME, I LISTENED TO MY BODY AND MY MIND AND I GAVE THEM BOTH A REST INSTEAD OF PUSHING MYSELF OVER THE EDGE. I SIMPLY STOPPED. I STOPPED TRYING TO BE EVERYWHERE AT ONCE; STOPPED TRYING TO BE EVERYBODY’S EVERYTHING…AND I JUST TOOK CARE OF ME. SO, THOUGH I HATE TO SEE SUCH A YEAR COME TO AN END I LOOK FORWARD TO WHAT’S AHEAD IN THE YEAR AND YEARS TO COME. THIS YEAR I WILL MAKE NO RESOLUTIONS, ONLY PERSONAL GOALS WHICH I’LL KEEP TO MYSELF AND WORK ON PRIVATELY…BECAUSE…WELL, JUST BECAUSE.

Go On...

Where do you go from here? When there's nothing left to say, nothing left to talk through, nothing left to work out, no decisions left to be made....you go on. You take all the disappointment and anger and hurt feelings...and you go on with your life because life is going to still go on whether YOU do or not. The sun is still going to rise, the bills will still have to be paid, the kids will still have to be taken care of and the world will continue to spin despite your broken heart and bruised soul. When relationships leave us abandoned, we always take it out on the wrong people...us. We abuse ourselves by allowing another person to drain us of our happiness, by not eating, not sleeping, not being able to concentrate on anything but the details of what we thought was our destiny. Instead of accepting that things didn't work out no matter who may be at fault or even if there is no one at fault, we find reasons to place blame...there is no peace in that. There will be NO peace and NO closure until we re-evaluate ourselves outside of the relationship and come to terms with who we are and what role we ourselves may have played in the outcome. You work on YOU...that's where you go when it's over.

Try This...

Sometimes you just know when it's time to take some time away from the world. Time to wrap yourself in a protective mental bubble and rethink the situations in your life that are causing you the most angst. Of course there are expectations in the roles that we play...mom, wife, daughter, work colleague... that we must still find the energy and sanity to deal with. But, our own well-being, which is far too often overlooked or flat-out ignored needs to be placed at the forefront of our minds without feeling the storm of guilt that rushes through us when we feel like we aren't living up to the standards of wonderwoman. Newsflash...you're NOT wonderwoman. You're human and there are times when you're entitled to cut off the phones, call out sick, send the kids with family or friends, order take-out instead of slaving over the hot stove and just spend a day under the duvet without feeling like the second coming of Christ is near. Trust me, it will do you some good. It will bring back a sense of clarity to the thoughts that are swimming around and stock piling themselves in the back of your brain. It will give you some time to take inventory of your priorities and reorder them. Try it.

Rain

Right now I'm really wishing it would rain. That rain that turns the afternoon into dusk and beats down on the earth. I love the rain.

My Own Eat, Pray, Love Moment...

I feel like I'm experiencing my own Eat, Pray, Love moment...the part when you realize that your life is not quite what you expected and far less than you hoped for. I understand that some things in life are irreversible and unchangeable and that each and every piece to the puzzle does not have to fit together perfectly. I also realize that sometimes we need to choose our thoughts the way we choose what to wear, who to be in a relationship with, where to live and how we spend our money. We can't keep weighing ourselves down with coulda shoulda wouldas. I'm now learning that the way to completely control my life is to work on my mind. When you figure out how to cultivate a positive outlook on things, it's so much easier to free up your mind to think of positive solutions to the things you feel have gone south in your life. It gets you out of the "poor me" thinking that can drag you to hell. When you have a plan to focus on, a goal to look forward to, something that makes you feel purposeful...you find more enjoyment in life. As I get older I'm learning not to just expect happiness to arrive as I did when I was younger, but to go out and find my excitement, contentment and joy. But I also am learning to accept that real life will inevitably deliver some blows that are inescapable...and that eventually it will be ok. There is no way to avoid some of the bumps in the road that we experience...but as does everything in life, they shall pass...sometimes the wait is just a little longer than we feel we can handle. I believe at this moment in time, I am figuring out great lessons about living and  I am finding many things, places and people that bring me joy...

The New Chapter

When I first thought of turning 30, I thought about all the things that I felt I was losing. My youth, my fun party-girl lifestyle...and I felt I was running out of time to reach some of the goals that I wanted to. Then I had a conversation with an older woman who laughed at my ignorance. She told me that I was missing the fact that the most important years of my life lay in front of me. She told me that along with the number (30) came a new level of sophistication and wisdom from having lived such a full and impressive young adulthood. That conversation made me realize that I WAS missing the point. I was forgetting that this is a new chapter of my life, that the adventures, failures and triumphs of my young adulthood have prepared me to do greater things in this new chapter. I now have bigger dreams and greater goals to achieve. I also realize that I now possess a strength from my past that can carry me through things I would have never thought I could get through in my twenties. I suddenly have a new appreciation for the maturity that comes along and replaces all the things that I felt I was losing when I turned 30. I've set new goals and I expect more out of life than when I had nothing to do but party.

A New Commitment

We all have personal goals at some point in our lives, that we want to achieve. Whether physical, emotional, spiritual or otherwise...there are heights that we plan to reach. I'm at the point where I have a sometimes overzealous desire to do and be the best at everything that I attempt. Though I have no problem with challenges whether they are from others or challenges that I place upon myself, I sometimes struggle to pursue my passions and reach my ultimate goals because I hate the risk of failure that comes along with trying to reach the top. Those days are over now. I have made a commitment to myself to put aside the fears I have about not achieving whatever it is I set out to achieve and to at least give myself the chance to get as close as I can. I've started cutting out the people in my life who are unwilling to grow and started surrounding myself with people who inspire me to be my personal best....people who motivate me to discover my happiness and strengths. I've learned that we become the sum of the ones that surround us. If we surround ourselves with people who have no goals and no purpose in life, we become slack in our goals and purpose because when those times come that discourage us...those people can't lift us up and push us to keep going because they lack desire and drive in their own lives. I am creating an environment for myself that promotes growth in every area of my life because I want to live the best life...the fullest life...and the most purposeful life that I can. I will risk failure...I will risk losing some things and some people along the way...I will risk being the best at SOME things and not so good at others. The point is...I will take risks to get where it is that I'm trying to go in life and I will take those same risks to show my son how to get to where he wants to go as well.

Mental Adjustments

With every change that occurs in our lifetime whether it be death, birth, loss or gain...there are mental adjustments that need to take place in order to adapt to the new circumstances that change may bring about. If we don't make those necessary mental adjustments our lives become scrambled. We lose focus and our priorities are disordered because we haven't changed our mentality to fit our situations. For instance, when we go from being single to being in a relationship, from a celebrity back to a regular life, rich to poor or vice versa, childless to a parent or being married to being widowed...all these changes require a certain level of adjustment and if we don't mentally adjust to these changes we can't grasp the new roles we may have to take on and we end up an emotional mess. It's something to think about.

Footprints In The Sand

And so...these little footprints in the sand belong to my dimple faced boy. He is the person that now influences many of the decisions that I make in my life these days. I want to give him all the things that happy children love. As I get older I realize that life isn't meant to be all burdens and struggles. It's about finding creative ways to work through your issues, it's about laughter and good times, it's about knowing that there are people in your life who care about everything that goes on in your life...not the people that just want to know. I'm becoming the type of mom who doesn't want my kid to miss out on the fun kid things...like letting him play outside in the rain, eat his dessert before his dinner, having watergun fights in the dark and inviting all his friends over for breakfast in their pajamas. Those little footprints have settled me into a different world. A world where I'd much rather host a dinner party or meet some friends at a coffee shop or bake cupcakes and cookies...rather than party.

Do We Ever Really Learn

I wonder...do we ever really learn how to completely take control of ourselves and trust our experience and instincts to guide us towards making better decisions about life...and also about the people we choose to allow to be a part of our lives (?). I think a majority of us are guilty of making the same mistakes more than once...but when we do that, can we still call them "mistakes" or is it now just stupidity? We've dated the same kind of person twice, made the same financial decisions twice, decided to give someone just one more chance twice...and I'm sure we were all also silly enough to expect different results from those same choices...twice. When do we learn? At what point do we wake up and decide that it's time to make completely different choices? We have to realize at some point that we can't live as carefree and wreckless as we did when we were young. We can no longer afford to keep making bad decisions and we can't keep waiting for the world to miraculously transform into an ideal place...or people to suddenly realize our value and treat us accordingly. It's up to us to change the way we live, the way we think, the way we treat ourselves. If we stay stuck in a false reality where we think that we can keep drawing the same lines and expecting them to turn into circles, we are doomed. Think about it.

A Little About Me

Sometimes I must admit myself that my life is quite interesting and exciting at times. I'm dab smack in the middle between an introvert and extrovert. I enjoy adventure, but i also live for the days and nights where I can just be alone inside myself with my thoughts and cup of tea...or tequila...or rum. I'm fortunate enough to have met and been able to cultivate friendships with people of all different cultures and social classes who for some odd reason don't find my moodiness off putting at all. Sometimes I sit and reflect on the things in my life that I consider "life altering" experiences...my first "real" relationship, the birth of my son, the death of my sister, the anger and hurt that drove me to detach myself from my father, meeting a group of work colleagues who are so much like a huge close family who are so much involved in each other's lives, so supportive and protective of each other that you'd think we'd been lifelong friends, discovering that I'm a much different person than I was even a year ago...I consider all those events to have been life altering in some way.

I write this blog because I have an obsession with writing (hypergraphia)...and because I enjoy expression. It's soothing like hot tea, chicken soup and cashmere. I also find it healing to de-clutter my head and my heart all at the same time as entertaining myself with memories and my newfound "beautiful mind"...and no I'm not referring to the movie "a beautiful mind"...I'm not schizophrenic, just a little different. I have alot going on inside my head (motherhood, career, everyday bullshit and a host of other vices). Up until this point, I've always been extremely guarded and private when it comes to my emotions and anything that I felt remotely embarrassed or ashamed of. I'm beginning to shed that tough skin as I grow wiser. I'm learning that I can't always beat my struggles alone and that it's important to let people "in" who can be a blanket of reason, support and comfort when it's time to deal with issues that have the potential of causing a nervous breakdown.

I guess that's all you need to know about me for now. Maybe i'll even turn this into a series...A Little About Me. Yes, that sounds like a plan... a little about me at a time.

Letting Go Of "Friends"

There comes a time in our lives when we should no longer tolerate certain types of people in our circle. Finding out who our true friends are is all a part of growing up and crossing over from child to adulthood. When we're young and just starting out in the world on our own without our parents telling us who to be or who not to be friends with, it's so easy to trust and believe that everyone who wants to be your friend wants to do so because they are genuine. As we get older we learn that there are a large number of people who have their own motives. We learn that the people that call themselves our friends aren't always who they claim to be. My question is...if you've been "friends" with a person your whole life but you one day wake up and realize that the friendship is not healthy or positive in any way and only one of you is benefiting from it...do you end it?

Summer Of My Life...

Hey dolls! I know I've been gone for a minute...but I'm back! I'm so excited for summer and all the new projects that I'm working on. I've been keeping them a secret...just in case they don't work out, I won't feel so bad. lol. One project that I will share with you guys is "The Summer Of My Life" project. This will be a new blog that will chronicle the events of my summer. I'll share pictures as well as the activities, vacations and any other happenings during my summer. I'm also involved in a movement called the "Murder Free Summer", with a friend of mine in my hometown of Annapolis and so I'll also be sharing the events and progress of that project with everyone. I'm hoping this will actually BE the summer of my life! I have alot planned for me and my son and I'm hoping it all works out. As my other projects start coming together more I'll share them as well. Stay tuned...

The Quality Of Our Children's Lives Is Declining

A direct result of this recession is that the quality of our children's lives is rapidly declining. There are approximately 15.6 million children living at or below the poverty line and as many as 500,000 children that are homeless right here in the United States. The increase of families in which neither parent has secure employment is steadily rising. There are also as many children living in households who don't have access to safe or nutritious foods. From 2007 to 2010 there has been an increase of about 750,000 children who are living in food-insecure households, which has a direct effect on their learning ability. Community engagement is also declining with cut backs of programs and the reduction of the employment of teachers...leaving children who are living in poor, chaotic homes with no outside resources. A report by the private philanthropy foundation of child development says that the effects of the decrease in our family economics will have a direct impact on the deterioration in our children's academic performance which will subsequently impact careers and ability to compete in the workforce when they get older. wow.

Teaching Your Children About Finances

We need to teach our children about the value and importance of not just knowing how to MAKE money, but also how to save and invest for their futures. They need to learn about the consequences of living beyond their means, living paycheck to paycheck and stacking debt on top of debt. Our children need to know how having the latest air jordans, the newest electronic gadget and the trendiest wardrobe is of little importance when they aren't educated, can't pay their bills or take care of a family. We need to make sure that our children are taught the lessons of money whether you have any or not. If you DON"T have any, then you need to share with your children your mistakes and provide resources for them to learn the things that no one taught YOU about finances. The future generation needs to know that are many other ways to become wealthy besides sports, music and television. As parents it is our responsibility to ensure that our children are knowledgeable about the opportunities that are available to them when they are educated and smart about their money.

Are You Bringing Something Equal To The Table?

People spend a tremendous amount of time thinking about what their potential suitor should bring to the table. He/She must have a car, a job, a home, good credit, etc...but let's be honest here. When we're seeking partners who bring so much to the table, are we being fair when it comes to what WE have to offer? It's not fair, nor wise, for you to demand that a person be able to do xy and z for you, if when necessary you yourself are ill equipped to return the favor. As women we want men in our lives who can be good role models for our children but I must admit that in the past I've rarely thought about what kind of example or impression I would make on a man's children. We don't spend enough time with ourselves. We spend more time thinking about our wish list of man qualities than we do preparing ourselves to be able to add something significant to a union. We worry less about what someone can offer us spiritually and emotionally than we do about finances and physical attributes. How can you place an expectation on someone else to own their own home, if you don't own one? How can you insist on someone being able to provide for a family, if you can't? We need to think about what else we gain when we seek out partners who are a shelf higher than we are. We gain a dependency that is unhealthy for a relationship because we have to constantly look to that person for what we are lacking. All I'm saying is...make sure you have your own sh*t together before you go demanding that another person has to fill such requirements in order to be a part of your life. Other than that...think about what you can add to another person's life before you inole yourself in it. Have a healthy relationship with YOU first!

Who's REALLY The Dominant Sex???

Ok, so I've been thinking. In so many cultures and societies men have been seen as the dominant sex. I beg to differ. Physically, men may have one up on us delicate daisies...but if you take an honest look at the lives of men and women you may see things a little different when it comes to emotional strength. Because women have always been viewed as the weaker sex, we've had to endure circumstances and battles that most men wouldn't be able to. The job of nurturing, guiding and baring children takes the strength of 1000 men but is frequently left resting on the shoulders of only one woman. We often are forced to take on the roles of men when it comes to raising our children whether the men are absent by choice, by incarceration or because they are off in another land fighting another man's war. We've had to fight for the rights of decisions we make involving our own bodies, we've had to fight to be able to participate in decision making that effects not only men, but the entire world. We've had to pull strength from unknown places to heal and comfort the men in our lives when they are broken or unable to achieve. Women are who they look to for support when they can't take pain whether it be a mother, a grandmother, an aunt or any other woman who has been a source of strength in their lives...you don't see them crying on their "homeboy's" shoulder. In the new generation of "anything you can do, I can do too", women have proven that they can take on the complicated responsibilites of being a "decent" woman in society as well as fight wars, be the main financial provider for her family, raise a family alone and share the emotional burdens of the men in her life.

The Girlfriend Of A Hustler's Secret...

Money...and fear keep her secrets from turning into indictments. So what he ripped and bleached her clothes. He'll buy her new ones. So what he pulled her hair from her scalp. He'll buy her some new hair. So what he has babies, claimed and unclaimed, all over the city. She doesn't want anymore of his babies and he'll pay for as many abortions as she needs. She may think that all her secrets are safe within her her but her friends know what he's about. Hell, some have even dated or slept with him themselves...and that's no secret. They know his phone didn't lose service or die lastnight when she was calling for hours, back to back to back to back. Her girls know that his boy didn't borrow his car and have it parked in front of the hotel...or his ex-girl's house. Everybody knows...but she pretends she doesn't. Her secrets are embarassing and humiliating to her so she covers them up. She plays stupid, buys alot of sh*t with his money to help heal her emotional scars, she drives around in his cars making sure everyone sees her...to convince HERSELF of her position in his life. She shows up at every court date to prove that she's the one who will be by his side no matter what...even though she sees familiar female faces in the crowd. Her friends know she has plenty of jewelry, bags, boots, shoes and clothes. But, the secret is all the ass whippings she had to endure to earn those apologetic shopping sprees. They don't know how many secrets she keeps for him to keep him out of prison and to keep his gun from discharging in the side of her head...yup...plenty of secrets

The Celebrity Girlfriend's Secret...

She hides. She hides the pain of an unhappy home behind Chanel shades, mac make-up and diamond apologies. She uses her status as his "main chick" to lick her wounds, although publicly he's "single" and she is not to reveal otherwise...that's her first secret. She says the sun from all the tropical vacations he takes her on will dry her tears. For her friends who envy her lifestyle, she paints a near perfect picture of their life together. They can see the house, the money and the cars and yes it all looks glamorous...from the outside. But inside there are secrets. She tells her friends how wonderful life is and how she has everything she's ever wanted--but she leaves out some sh*t. Like, the groupies and other random chicks that are bold enough to call the house or show up at the games and sit close enough for her to hear their snickering and comments about "her man" or how those thirsty bitches wait in the parking lot after the games just long enough for her to wonder who they are and who they're there for. She doesn't tell anyone that she's lonely for weeks at a time while he's on the road and how he sometimes doesn't even bother to call. And, if it wasn't for sportscenter she wouldn't know if he was dead or alive because she hasn't heard from him...at all...for weeks. She also doesn't tell her friends who envy her life, about all the latenight arguments when he calls her a whore and tells her she's just like the groupies...then storms out of the house to go spend the night with one. She doesn't discuss how many dishes have been broken against the wall, how many times she's threatened to leave and he hasn't contested but instead told her how easy it is to replace her. The kind of man he is when the cameras, the sports reporters and the fans aren't watching...is the biggest secret she keeps of all, besides herself. Yeah...lots of secrets. Like, the time she tried to leave and he threw her car keys in the pool and tackled her to the ground...to be continued