Rain

Right now I'm really wishing it would rain. That rain that turns the afternoon into dusk and beats down on the earth. I love the rain.

My Own Eat, Pray, Love Moment...

I feel like I'm experiencing my own Eat, Pray, Love moment...the part when you realize that your life is not quite what you expected and far less than you hoped for. I understand that some things in life are irreversible and unchangeable and that each and every piece to the puzzle does not have to fit together perfectly. I also realize that sometimes we need to choose our thoughts the way we choose what to wear, who to be in a relationship with, where to live and how we spend our money. We can't keep weighing ourselves down with coulda shoulda wouldas. I'm now learning that the way to completely control my life is to work on my mind. When you figure out how to cultivate a positive outlook on things, it's so much easier to free up your mind to think of positive solutions to the things you feel have gone south in your life. It gets you out of the "poor me" thinking that can drag you to hell. When you have a plan to focus on, a goal to look forward to, something that makes you feel purposeful...you find more enjoyment in life. As I get older I'm learning not to just expect happiness to arrive as I did when I was younger, but to go out and find my excitement, contentment and joy. But I also am learning to accept that real life will inevitably deliver some blows that are inescapable...and that eventually it will be ok. There is no way to avoid some of the bumps in the road that we experience...but as does everything in life, they shall pass...sometimes the wait is just a little longer than we feel we can handle. I believe at this moment in time, I am figuring out great lessons about living and  I am finding many things, places and people that bring me joy...

The New Chapter

When I first thought of turning 30, I thought about all the things that I felt I was losing. My youth, my fun party-girl lifestyle...and I felt I was running out of time to reach some of the goals that I wanted to. Then I had a conversation with an older woman who laughed at my ignorance. She told me that I was missing the fact that the most important years of my life lay in front of me. She told me that along with the number (30) came a new level of sophistication and wisdom from having lived such a full and impressive young adulthood. That conversation made me realize that I WAS missing the point. I was forgetting that this is a new chapter of my life, that the adventures, failures and triumphs of my young adulthood have prepared me to do greater things in this new chapter. I now have bigger dreams and greater goals to achieve. I also realize that I now possess a strength from my past that can carry me through things I would have never thought I could get through in my twenties. I suddenly have a new appreciation for the maturity that comes along and replaces all the things that I felt I was losing when I turned 30. I've set new goals and I expect more out of life than when I had nothing to do but party.

A New Commitment

We all have personal goals at some point in our lives, that we want to achieve. Whether physical, emotional, spiritual or otherwise...there are heights that we plan to reach. I'm at the point where I have a sometimes overzealous desire to do and be the best at everything that I attempt. Though I have no problem with challenges whether they are from others or challenges that I place upon myself, I sometimes struggle to pursue my passions and reach my ultimate goals because I hate the risk of failure that comes along with trying to reach the top. Those days are over now. I have made a commitment to myself to put aside the fears I have about not achieving whatever it is I set out to achieve and to at least give myself the chance to get as close as I can. I've started cutting out the people in my life who are unwilling to grow and started surrounding myself with people who inspire me to be my personal best....people who motivate me to discover my happiness and strengths. I've learned that we become the sum of the ones that surround us. If we surround ourselves with people who have no goals and no purpose in life, we become slack in our goals and purpose because when those times come that discourage us...those people can't lift us up and push us to keep going because they lack desire and drive in their own lives. I am creating an environment for myself that promotes growth in every area of my life because I want to live the best life...the fullest life...and the most purposeful life that I can. I will risk failure...I will risk losing some things and some people along the way...I will risk being the best at SOME things and not so good at others. The point is...I will take risks to get where it is that I'm trying to go in life and I will take those same risks to show my son how to get to where he wants to go as well.

Mental Adjustments

With every change that occurs in our lifetime whether it be death, birth, loss or gain...there are mental adjustments that need to take place in order to adapt to the new circumstances that change may bring about. If we don't make those necessary mental adjustments our lives become scrambled. We lose focus and our priorities are disordered because we haven't changed our mentality to fit our situations. For instance, when we go from being single to being in a relationship, from a celebrity back to a regular life, rich to poor or vice versa, childless to a parent or being married to being widowed...all these changes require a certain level of adjustment and if we don't mentally adjust to these changes we can't grasp the new roles we may have to take on and we end up an emotional mess. It's something to think about.